The Soldier

A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret that I cannot remember which one you are. Please keep your photo and return the others."

Man and pregnant wife

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.

"NO, you *idiot*!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

A Couple

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Husband/Wife Debate

Dawson and his wife, Jennifer, had been debating buying a vehicle
for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like
car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably
have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to
like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just
a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so
surprise me!"

Dawson did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new
bathroom scale. Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

Elderly Couple

An elderly couple were having dinner at another couple's house and after their meal, the wives left the table to go to the kitchen.

The two elderly gents were talking, and one says: "Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant I'd highly recommend."

The other man says: "What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying: "Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"

His friend replies: "A carnation?"

"No, no. The other one," the man says.

His friend suggest "The poppy?"

"No, no, no" growls the man. "You know - the one that is red and has thorns."

His friend says: "Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes! Thank you!" the first man says.

He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"